Wise Crack

A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting “Monster!” “Murderer!” “Killer! “.

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?

Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?

Suspect : Well that asshole ran towards the other 10.

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A Big Problem

A man calls his girlfriend into his room for the first time

He says, “I have a problem with my penis, but you have to promise not to laugh”

She promises not to.

He shows her his penis. Its so small, she loses her calm and starts laughing so hard she falls down.

The man is now angry at her because she said that she wouldn’t laugh at it. She’s laughing too hard to notice him ranting.

After a while, the girl calms down enough to ask him what the problem was.

He replies,”Its swollen…”

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Signed with love

A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch.

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’

‘Then I shall fly on,’ answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student.

At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:

‘You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?’

‘The gold.’

‘Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness because that’s more important than money.’

‘Everyone would choose what they don’t have,’ says the student.

The teacher turns red, and he’s so angry he writes “ass” on the student’s paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:

‘Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!’

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The Smartest President

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, ‘I am LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.’ So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, ‘I am the US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.’ He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, ‘My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.’

The little boy said, ‘That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America ‘s smartest President took my schoolbag…

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Factory Reset

Saw my wife taking off her make up last night…
Or, as I call it, “Reset to factory settings “

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The Three Mad Men

A doctor wanted to release 3 mad people from the hospital. He asked the 1st mad man: 2+2 = ?
He replied: 3,700

You are really mad, the doctor said.

The second mad man replied: 2+2 = Wednesday.

You are not far from death, the doctor said.

The third mad man answered, 2+2 = 4.

BRAVOOO! How did u get the answer?

The doctor asked.

He replied, “I divided 3,700 by Wednesday. “

The doctor collapsed.

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